#WEARECONFIDENT – JENNY’S STORY
My name is Jenny, I am 24 and a Communications Associate within the NHS.
The biggest struggle I have faced is to stop comparing my life and achievements to other people and to be confident that what I am, and the decisions I have made are enough.
When I finished university, instead of enjoying my first year of employment I spent the days torturing myself with the thought ‘I could be more’ ‘I’m not doing enough with my degree’ ‘other people have got so much further than you’. I stopped applying for jobs I wanted as I thought I wasn’t good enough for them, no one would want to hire me.
Eventually, after what was pretty much an identity crisis at 22 I got a job at a marketing agency – my dream job. It took my a few months to get there, but I made it.
Despite loving my job, I had a constant rotation of thoughts going round my head of ‘Other people are buying houses, getting married, going on extravagant holidays, driving Range Rovers and I can barely afford my rent and car insurance’ these thoughts were eating away at me and eventually wore down on my happiness, this led me to find a job that paid more money so I could keep up with these people and make myself better than what I thought I was.
After a couple of weeks of looking I got a job offer back near my home town, as much as I loved my job, I couldn’t help compare my path, my career and my choices to the ones others have chosen and think I needed to do better.
After moving cities, moving home, completely changing my life for this new job, it wasn’t all I thought it would be. I was miserable, I hated it so much I handed my notice in with no where to go.
Fast forward a couple of months I was still unemployed, back at home, maxed out my over draft and cleared my savings – I sank into a depression. This was probably the lowest point, the thoughts going round my head were constant, I was constantly punishing myself for ‘ruining my life’ and for not being the best I thought I could be, my confidence in myself was rock bottom and I felt worthless.
After weeks of endless mental torture I had enough, I sat down and thought to myself what do I really want, forget everyone else, what would make me happy? I saw a job post for the NHS doing the marketing for the Cancer Alliance, something close to my heart. The thoughts started again, I would never get that job, other people would have a better chance then me. I forced myself to apply.
Present day, I am now the communications associate for the Cancer Alliance, I LOVE my job. I’m actually thankful I was unemployed or I never would have applied. What going through this is I now strongly believe everything happens for a reason, I have stopped comparing myself to other people, I have the confidence in my decisions, and most important I have the confidence in myself. I am enough and my decisions have led me to a place that I am finally so happy and love the life I lead. I’m full of confidence, it’s been a hard journey but I have finally made it.
“One of the hardest things in life is learning to let go and trust that everything happens for a reason”
Love, Jenny x